Freaks Of The Civil War (Who You Probably Didn't Know Of)

            Some of the most popular names of the Civil War are forever ingrained in our minds. Most people with enough common knowledge can tell you who Robert E. Lee was, as well as Ulysses S. Grant. Another name commonly associated with the Civil War is Abraham Lincoln.

If you don’t know who Lee and Grant are, then you certainly know who Abraham Lincoln was. He was the president responsible for freeing the slaves. He also was tall enough to be a professional wrestler. Hell, the man even is related to Tom Hanks.

Unfortunately, Lincoln met his demise at the hands of failed actor, John Wilkes Booth. Booth put a bullet through Lincoln’s brain and escaped the theater only to flee to a book depository and be cornered 10 days later in a barn, where he was gunned down. This is usually where most people’s historical knowledge ends. If I said the name Boston Corbett would you have a clue as to who I’m talking about?

It’s safe to assume that he has some relevance to this story. He does. Boston Corbett was the man responsible for bringing John Wilkes Booths' life to an end in that barn. So why does he never end up in history books, even as a passing mention? Certainly the man who killed the person who assassinated the president deserves a mention; I mean everyone knows who Jack Ruby is. The most probable reason is because Corbett is bat-shit crazy.

An emigrant from England, Boston Corbett was a hatter prior to enlisting in the Union army. This is important for reasons I will come back to later. Corbett’s first wife died during childbirth, which prompted Corbetts downward spiral. At this point he moved to Boston, changed his birth name from Thomas to "Boston", and converted to Catholicism. This is where things get strange.

The first indication, and certainly not the most horrific, that something was clearly wrong was following his conversion to Catholicism, Corbett began wearing his hair long in an attempt to imitate Jesus. However this must have proven too sane an act for Corbett.

In the following years, to avoid the temptations of prostitute, Corbett made one of the most rational decisions since Heinz made colored ketchup; he castrated himself…with a pair of scissors. Yes you read that properly. And in an attempt to clearly show he still had balls, Corbett proceeded to eat a meal and go to a church service before having the smart idea to seek medical help.

Now You Know Why He Leans

It doesn’t end though. Following the death of John Wilkes Booth, Corbett decided to move to a cozy new home. So he did what any other emigrant American would do with newfound fame and fortune. He dug himself a hole in the ground in a prarie in Kansas and lived in it. It is now the location of his memorial.

Home Sweet Home

Due to his celebrity status as Booth’s killer, Corbett eventually was appointed the assistant doorkeeper of the Kansas House Of Representatives. However, one day when he overheard a coversation mocking the opening legislative prayer, Corbett brandished a gun at the mockers and began making threats. Having commited a similar act a few years earlier, Corbett was thrown into an insane asylum; however he escaped a year later.

This brings me back to an earlier statement. I mentioned earlier Corbett worked as a hatter prior to the Civil War. This makes it very likely he was a victim of mercury poisoning, as mercury was used for the lining of hats during the time. Anyway, Corbett is presumed to have died in the Great Hinckley Fire of 1894, but it’s never been proven. It’s a shame he has managed to elude our history books because frankly this is more interesting and entertaining than some of the stuff that happened in the Civil War.  Hopefully you can take this useless information with you.